My beautiful dress is from Broken Ghost Clothing on Etsy.
Post your Week 14 pages onto the PNC Facebook group.
Just like we didn't go through our things and get rid of everything in the first week, neither are we going to change our entire eating habits in one day. This week is only for asking questions and being truthful with yourself. The only person it is going to hurt if you say, "everything is fine" when it's not, is you.
1. Answer, in writing, as many of the prompt questions as you like, and add more prompts if you come up with any (and please share them with the rest of us)!
2. What insights did you gain from your writing? What changes do you want to make?
3. Write down what you are eating. Make little cards like the ones I made so they are prepared in advance. This makes it much easier to document things even when you are busy. Write down what you ate, and when and how you felt afterward.
This is all I want you to do this week. Don't make any changes, just notice what your eating life is really like, right now. Record triggers: what happened just before you ate the box of powdered doughnuts? Were you fighting with someone? Did you look in the mirror and feel insecure? Getting to know what you are eating and why, without JUDGMENT, is the goal. In the following weeks ,we will work on learning what we need to do and how to do it, but for now, just be honest with yourself. You deserve it.
HI, I'M SUZI, AND I'M AN ADDICT.
It doesn't matter much what I am addicted to, since every day that changes. At the moment, it is Rick Grimes and his mouth, but white powdered doughnuts get to me, too.
Growing up in a small, tense home, where people who loved each other were afraid to love each other, at the tender age of 12 I learned the value of escape. It started with Music - The Doors. I'd turn the volume up on my stereo as loud as it would go to drown out the adults yelling incessantly. It never really got loud enough to drown them out completely. Their loud voices carried under my door and tore through my stomach.
When I found alcohol, I used it as much as I could get away with. I poured whiskey from the dark wood cabinet into a paper cup and drank it on the way to the bus in junior high school. Drunk at 8 am; hungover by 10. Getting strung out so early helped ease whatever stress came my way that day. I was too tired to care.
The physical essence of what we use to get numb differs only in how numb we get. While heroin equals comatose, a full box of Russell Stover chocolates eaten systematically, pausing only for brief gulps of milk to clear the way to swallow more, that's numbing, too.
1. Providing food or other substances, necessary for growth,
health, and good condition.
Many substances, (including people, places, and things,) make us feel good but are bad for our health. We take them and fool ourselves that we are being nourished, but we are doing the opposite. We are harming ourselves. We have a need that expects to be met, the silence of screaming words that can't be taken back and ringing in a child's ear for weeks afterwards, for years, really. We need a safe space and when there isn't one, we pretend to make one.
Peace, however, if it comes at a cost, is not peace, and is only temporary. Part of real nourishment, real peace, is sustainability; it keeps us going far longer than false peace ever could. This fact is all I need to remain strong in the face of mini cupcakes, a pint of Guiness, or a line of cocaine - true bliss can be had with nutrition, with real nourishment. The high you are seeking IS available to you, but it doesn't come as fast. I know this because I've been on both sides of the self-soothing track. With full-time clean eating, I feel energetic, confident, and more peaceful than when I was high as f**k, which includes binging on food. If I didn't feel this good, I'd tell you that health is bullshit and be the first one to pass out the Xanax and doughnuts. Irritable highs and theatrical lows, the cheap dramas, can be traded for wholeness and bliss. Energy that lasts, real love.
What I ingest is a choice. I ask myself, "Is what I'm going to eat nourishing me in a sustainable and loving way, or will it deplete me?" Consistency is key. That is what I was doing wrong before. I thought as long as I had a spinach smoothie for breakfast, I could drink espresso all day for energy. If you lack energy and live in a general state of un-wellness, you HAVE to give up ALL false energy for your body to accept nourishment. Every time you add the bad stuff, you are canceling out the good. A little bit of arsenic does indeed hurt you.
Is the food you are eating adding to, or depleting, your health and quality of life? Do you think you deserve quality of life?
This is my set up for the week. I adhered Moleskine sketchbook pages into my Squared base journal. I kinda like this because they are more durable for art and stickers and things, but the grid paper is still there so I can write.
I used a Project Life journal card to make 7 food notecards for the week. I want you to make one too using whatever you have around. Index cards will work too.
If this was 2 weeks ago there would have been more Coffee and Chocolate than actual food. But I am doing my Sacred Narrative pages a little ahead of you, so I figured out what was killing my energy. I still can do better, but the act of writing and keeping track of what you are actually eating puts it all in perspective. You don't have to show your food cards to anyone else, so be honest on them. If you ate a pound of Doritos, write it down.
Make a pocket out of card stock and washi tape and put it where your week at a glance page is. Put all 7 food cards in it and pull them out each day. Keep track of how you feel after you eat, such as how high or low your blood sugar is and whether you feel energized or groggy.
Don't make changes in your food yet, just document how it currently is. You will gain more lasting changes if you naturally make the connection of what you are eating and how you feel. Changing your diet only because someone tells you too will not be as effective as that decision coming from within. Talk to yourself in your journal. Talk about the food, about how you feel. Make your own connections.